Thursday, February 05, 2009

Build the Death Star

To Hell with the Stimulus Package. I know how to get the economy working - let's build a real, live Death Star. Then we can get all those unemployed autoworkers and contractors back to work (and incidentally me too, since news publications would need lots of coverage of the project). Then we can go scare the hooey out of the microbes on Mars and otherwise menace the universe.

Here's how:

Death Star Costs $15.6 Septillion

One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal!


dogimo said...

This is a load of horse SHIT. There is no point in building a moon-sized orbital platform for a planet-destroying ray when you have no enemies that large.

FURTHER: no specifications for building any kind of energy-beam with anywhere near that power.

I mean, we haven't even scratched the surface of the principles involved.

Without hyperspace, do you have any idea how LONG it would take to get that huge thing to its intended target?? Even if it's Mars!

Sean Scully said...

We're talking economic stimulus here, man.

Plus, considering our nearest rivals appear to be small one celled creatures that emit clouds of methane on Mars, we really wouldn't have to worry to much about what kinds of weapons to put on this thing. A couple of cans of Lysol should be all the firepower we'd need to pretty much keep things under control. And it will be millions, maybe billions, of years before they evolve intelligence, so there's no great hurry getting there either. Who needs engines when a gentle push in the right direction will do.

dogimo said...

They've proven that? They proved that? 1-celled life on Mars?

No way - that's the biggest news story of the past - EVER, seriously - is that true?

What the f. Pluto gets demoted and its blaring everywhere - extraterrestrial GERMS are discovered and they keep it SHTUM???

Say it ain't so!

Sean Scully said...

It isn't proven, but seems likely. NASA released a report last month about a cloud of methane that hangs around one of the poles. The main suspect is volcanoes, but there are no active volcanoes in that area (in fact, I think all the Martian volcanoes are long dead). The other main suspect would be bacteria, which exhale methane. It seems likely that there are microbes under there that are spewing methane.

This calls for immediate interplanetary war.

dogimo said...

If they're only bacteria, there can be nothing morally wrong with nuking the entire planet.

You know. Just in case they aren't.