Sunday, February 20, 2011

Things I think about, Part IV

1. Things that should be in Clue but are not:

Can of poison

2. Possible solutions in the new, more realistic version of Clue:

Dwayne with the chainsaw in the carport

Marsha with the sledgehammer behind the shed

Rhonda with uncle Jed's shotgun in the mobile home.

Jimmy at grandma's house while she's at Bible study with grandpa's Luger he got off some kraut Nazi bastard at Bastogne.

Carol with the ground glass in the hamburger in the breakfast nook.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

The Twenty Commandments

XI. There are no more commandments.

XII. Seriously. I am done. Ten is more than enough.

XIII. Quit reading. Now you're annoying me, which is not good.

XIV. Because I am thy Lord and God. That's why.

XV. Oh, for My sake. If I give you one more, will you shut up?

XVI. Ok, ummm. Let not your body toucheth the pool or ocean until one hour hath passed after the last morsel shall have been eaten.

XVII. What do you want? I was in a hurry. These things take thought.

XVIII. I don't have time for this.

XIX. All right, I KNOW I technically do have the time for this, but I don't want to, OK?

XX. Consider yourself smited.