Wow, my control panel tells me I have 200 POSTS on my blog!
Do I, like, get an award or a pizza party or something?
No?
Shit.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Saturday, June 06, 2009
On Having Children
Having kids means hearing strings of words that do not normally go together in regular conversation.
This evening, after depositing the children in bed later than I had intended, I heard a mighty cry from the bedroom. I stormed in, with my best Scary Dad stomp, to see what was up, and my youngest cried out "Evan was licking my pillow."
What in the Hell am I supposed to say to that?
This evening, after depositing the children in bed later than I had intended, I heard a mighty cry from the bedroom. I stormed in, with my best Scary Dad stomp, to see what was up, and my youngest cried out "Evan was licking my pillow."
What in the Hell am I supposed to say to that?
The Jolly Jeep of Doom
Small things make me happy - a good beer, a beautiful sunset, a perfectly cooked meal, comfy shoes. You get the idea.
But sometimes really big things make me happy, like a gigantic green four door Jeep Wrangler.
So when it became clear that my 2000 BMW was becoming prohibitively expensive to keep running (Like $11,000 in maintenance in four years), I knew we had to act.
Behold the Jolly Jeep of Doom:
Now all I want to do all day is go drive around in my Jeep. Even grocery shopping is more fun in a Jeep.
But sometimes really big things make me happy, like a gigantic green four door Jeep Wrangler.
So when it became clear that my 2000 BMW was becoming prohibitively expensive to keep running (Like $11,000 in maintenance in four years), I knew we had to act.
Behold the Jolly Jeep of Doom:
Now all I want to do all day is go drive around in my Jeep. Even grocery shopping is more fun in a Jeep.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Things I had forgotten about until today
Saw this posted on a local website I like and I was briefly transported back. Did we all ever look this young?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Digusting?
I rarely read Nicholas Kristof columns, largely because I have a strict limit on the number of angry articles about Darfur I may read in a year (Just one. Thanks for reminding me of my impotence to cure man's inhumanity to man, Nick), but he has an interesting column today, which I read by accident at the gym:
Would You Slap Your Father? If So, You’re a Liberal
Seems that your relative tendency to be a conservative is correlated with how likely you are to find something disgusting. At least, that's what some researchers at the University of Virginia say. And if it's happening at UVA, then I am inclined to believe it.
But still, I decided to take the survey myself (actually, it's a bunch of related surveys, and it took some time to complete them, but it's not like I have any actual paying work today, so what the Hell).
Your Morals survey
And, of course, it isn't as simple as Kristof suggests, but the results are fairly interesting. Turns out I am very slightly more prone to be disgusted than the average of people who have taken the survey, but mostly related to actually contaminated stuff - spoiled meat, spoiled milk, that kind of thing. Stuff that might be called merely "icky", like touching a dead body or seeing rats, doesn't bother me much at all. But I knew that already. I wonder to what extent my experience as a cook skews my responses - I think I am particularly sensitive to food that is bad simply because I have been exposed to food so intimately all my life and it is so important for me to be aware of the quality and condition of ingredients.
I wonder if cooks are more conservative. Maybe that's another survey.
There are a couple of oddball problems with the survey. For example, the "sacredness" survey tries to gauge how likely to are to violate some core principle for money by asking you how much it would take to do certain things, such as shoot an endangered animal or curse your parents. They call it the "what would you do for a million dollars" survey. The problem at least for me is that I am not terribly motivated by money (or I wouldn't be a journalist, obviously), so I answered either I'd do it for free or I would never do it for any price to every question. I mean, if someone wanted to actually pay me to flip off my professor, I'd be glad to take their cash, but I might very well do it free anyway just to see what happens. But at the same time, even a million dollars wouldn't induce me to cut off contact with my family for a year.
Would You Slap Your Father? If So, You’re a Liberal
Seems that your relative tendency to be a conservative is correlated with how likely you are to find something disgusting. At least, that's what some researchers at the University of Virginia say. And if it's happening at UVA, then I am inclined to believe it.
But still, I decided to take the survey myself (actually, it's a bunch of related surveys, and it took some time to complete them, but it's not like I have any actual paying work today, so what the Hell).
Your Morals survey
And, of course, it isn't as simple as Kristof suggests, but the results are fairly interesting. Turns out I am very slightly more prone to be disgusted than the average of people who have taken the survey, but mostly related to actually contaminated stuff - spoiled meat, spoiled milk, that kind of thing. Stuff that might be called merely "icky", like touching a dead body or seeing rats, doesn't bother me much at all. But I knew that already. I wonder to what extent my experience as a cook skews my responses - I think I am particularly sensitive to food that is bad simply because I have been exposed to food so intimately all my life and it is so important for me to be aware of the quality and condition of ingredients.
I wonder if cooks are more conservative. Maybe that's another survey.
There are a couple of oddball problems with the survey. For example, the "sacredness" survey tries to gauge how likely to are to violate some core principle for money by asking you how much it would take to do certain things, such as shoot an endangered animal or curse your parents. They call it the "what would you do for a million dollars" survey. The problem at least for me is that I am not terribly motivated by money (or I wouldn't be a journalist, obviously), so I answered either I'd do it for free or I would never do it for any price to every question. I mean, if someone wanted to actually pay me to flip off my professor, I'd be glad to take their cash, but I might very well do it free anyway just to see what happens. But at the same time, even a million dollars wouldn't induce me to cut off contact with my family for a year.
Monday, May 18, 2009
The road not taken
Oh, how I wish I had been an ichthyologist. Not because I have any interest in fish - in fact, I usually find them disturbing and unpleasant, except when they are converted into Sushi or a well-timed Filet-o-Fish - but because it would be so cool to say "I am an ichthyologist."
Better yet, I want to be a "Freelance Ichthyologist."
That would make me happy.
Better yet, I want to be a "Freelance Ichthyologist."
That would make me happy.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tasting Beer in the Future
Believe it or not, I actually managed to use this phrase in perfectly normal conversation recently. And it suddenly occurred to me that "Tasting Beer in the Future" would be an outrageously good name for an album or a novel.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Pubic humiliation
My favorite newspaper correction website, Regret the Error, has a lovely little piece this week on a lengthy correction in the Irish Times, lamenting that the letter L, "that slenderest and most treacherous of letter types," has somehow slipped from a key phrase, making the author appear to say that something was a matter of "pubic faith."
"This is a risk that serious newspapers, in which the word “public” will always feature prominently, run every day," the Times writes. "It wouldn’t be as big a problem if, for example, it was the ‘b’ that kept dropping out. But then we or the spellchecker would notice that. Whereas the lower-case “l” has a Judas-like ability to slip away unnoticed, with embarrassing results."
This happened to me once, as I have probably typed here somewhere before, when I wrote about a "poorly attended public hearing" in Greene County, Virginia. At least that's what I MEANT to type, except for that damned L.
The error slipped passed me, my editor, my publisher, and several other people who read the page as I was laying it out. It was only revealed the next day, when a local attorney called my editor and noted that "Had I known it was going to be a pubic hearing, I might have attended."
That is only slightly more embarrassing than the ad we ran in the same paper a year earlier in the annual Christmas special edition which wished us all "Peach on Earth."
"This is a risk that serious newspapers, in which the word “public” will always feature prominently, run every day," the Times writes. "It wouldn’t be as big a problem if, for example, it was the ‘b’ that kept dropping out. But then we or the spellchecker would notice that. Whereas the lower-case “l” has a Judas-like ability to slip away unnoticed, with embarrassing results."
This happened to me once, as I have probably typed here somewhere before, when I wrote about a "poorly attended public hearing" in Greene County, Virginia. At least that's what I MEANT to type, except for that damned L.
The error slipped passed me, my editor, my publisher, and several other people who read the page as I was laying it out. It was only revealed the next day, when a local attorney called my editor and noted that "Had I known it was going to be a pubic hearing, I might have attended."
That is only slightly more embarrassing than the ad we ran in the same paper a year earlier in the annual Christmas special edition which wished us all "Peach on Earth."
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
An important milestone
There are many important milestones in life - reaching 16 so you can drive, reaching 21 so you can drink, getting married, having kids, buying a house, turning 30, turning 40 and so on.
These we can predict.
But once in a while, a milestone smacks you upside the head and you realize it was coming, but you never saw it approaching. Or, perhaps, even knew in advance that it was a milestone.
Today, I reached such a milestone. For the first time, my car insurance payment was less than my life insurance payment - $95 versus $135 dollars.
Oy vey.
These we can predict.
But once in a while, a milestone smacks you upside the head and you realize it was coming, but you never saw it approaching. Or, perhaps, even knew in advance that it was a milestone.
Today, I reached such a milestone. For the first time, my car insurance payment was less than my life insurance payment - $95 versus $135 dollars.
Oy vey.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Metaphor of the day
There's this guy on this local discussion group I frequent and he's kind of weird. Seemed very earnest, perhaps a little dim (or so I had thought until today), and he seems to be fanatically dedicated to restoring strict republican virtues and an absolute, rock solid literaltist reading of the Constitution (he makes Ron Paul seem like Warren Burger).
But my estimation of him went up considerably this morning when I read this little turn of phrase, which he dashed off in response to a lawyer who was mocking another of his earnest little pleas to return to the faith of the Founding Fathers:
"Rather than fight to uphold the dignity of your lifelong career, it is easier to sit on your haunches warming yourself on the campfire of wall street greed."
That, friends, is pure genius. It is so bad that only a really gifted writer could have conceived it.
But my estimation of him went up considerably this morning when I read this little turn of phrase, which he dashed off in response to a lawyer who was mocking another of his earnest little pleas to return to the faith of the Founding Fathers:
"Rather than fight to uphold the dignity of your lifelong career, it is easier to sit on your haunches warming yourself on the campfire of wall street greed."
That, friends, is pure genius. It is so bad that only a really gifted writer could have conceived it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Best press release ever
The Pennsylvania Governor's Office press person just sent out a release under the subject line "No public schedule for Governor Rendell for March 27, 2009"
This is not unusual. But the text of the message caught my eye:
PRIVILEGED AND CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION
The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. Any use of this information other than by the intended recipient is prohibited. If you receive this message in error, please send a reply e-mail to the sender and delete the material from any and all computers. Unintended transmissions shall not constitute waiver of the attorney-client or any other privilege.
This seems like a perfect thing to attach to a release that went to hundreds of reporters across the Commonwealth. After all, what do Reporters do best besides keep secrets?
This is not unusual. But the text of the message caught my eye:
PRIVILEGED AND CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION
The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. Any use of this information other than by the intended recipient is prohibited. If you receive this message in error, please send a reply e-mail to the sender and delete the material from any and all computers. Unintended transmissions shall not constitute waiver of the attorney-client or any other privilege.
This seems like a perfect thing to attach to a release that went to hundreds of reporters across the Commonwealth. After all, what do Reporters do best besides keep secrets?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This sounds like a GREAT job
Reporter with benefits? Does this mean you get to sleep with your coworkers with no strings attached?
Journalism would be in better shape if more newspapers had this policy.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
My solution for the Auto Industry
CNN says today that the Auto Industry bailout will end up costing something like $130 billion. This got me to thinking - why are we just sending the car companies money? I have a much better idea.
Let's think about some numbers first.
Car Buyers Notebook tells me that the average new car in 2008 cost $28,715. You can buy a pretty nice car for that even in 2009, so long as you don't want to go all Tricked Out Lexus or something, so let's use that as a working number for the 2009 model year.
That means $130 billion will buy roughly 4,527,250 pretty decent new cars, maybe more if we make the car companies a nice offer.
The Census Bureau tells me that there are roughly 101,301,401 Americans between the ages of 20 and 70 in the U.S. Let's call that prime driving age.
That means the U.S. government could buy about 1 nice new car for every 22 Americans.
I say let's just buy 4.5 million new cars and give them out by lottery. You gotta figure at least some of those 101 million driving-age Americans don't want or need a new car for some reason, so your odds are likely to be a hell of a lot better than 1 in 22 of getting a brand new vehicle.
Who's with me? Personally, Mr. President, I'll take a new 4-door Jeep Wrangler. I promise to take very good care of it.
Let's think about some numbers first.
Car Buyers Notebook tells me that the average new car in 2008 cost $28,715. You can buy a pretty nice car for that even in 2009, so long as you don't want to go all Tricked Out Lexus or something, so let's use that as a working number for the 2009 model year.
That means $130 billion will buy roughly 4,527,250 pretty decent new cars, maybe more if we make the car companies a nice offer.
The Census Bureau tells me that there are roughly 101,301,401 Americans between the ages of 20 and 70 in the U.S. Let's call that prime driving age.
That means the U.S. government could buy about 1 nice new car for every 22 Americans.
I say let's just buy 4.5 million new cars and give them out by lottery. You gotta figure at least some of those 101 million driving-age Americans don't want or need a new car for some reason, so your odds are likely to be a hell of a lot better than 1 in 22 of getting a brand new vehicle.
Who's with me? Personally, Mr. President, I'll take a new 4-door Jeep Wrangler. I promise to take very good care of it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Fun with lyrics
This simply speaks for itself
I once got in trouble at a radio station where I worked for taping over the title of this very song and replacing it with:
Awl Bye Mice Elf.
The program director did not find my sense of humor endearing for some reason.
I once got in trouble at a radio station where I worked for taping over the title of this very song and replacing it with:
Awl Bye Mice Elf.
The program director did not find my sense of humor endearing for some reason.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Build the Death Star
To Hell with the Stimulus Package. I know how to get the economy working - let's build a real, live Death Star. Then we can get all those unemployed autoworkers and contractors back to work (and incidentally me too, since news publications would need lots of coverage of the project). Then we can go scare the hooey out of the microbes on Mars and otherwise menace the universe.
Here's how:
Death Star Costs $15.6 Septillion
One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal!
Here's how:
Death Star Costs $15.6 Septillion
One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Dave for President Pt. 2
Here David Letterman conducts the kind of interview that every journalist longs to do, or at least should aspire to. This is an act of journalistic brilliance. He's polite, gives the man his say, and yet he tells the unfettered truth in a non-confrontational way. Genius.
Letterman Interviews Blagojevich
Letterman Interviews Blagojevich
Monday, February 02, 2009
25 things about me
Several people on Facebook have tagged me with this 25 Things About Me game. I find it sort of interesting, but I am not sure I want to play exactly as required. It smacks too much of a chain letter, and I throw those away on principle. And yet, the game is sort of fun - some of the results come close to poetry (Look here and you'll see what I mean).
So I am going to say 25 things about me, but I am not going to tag 25 of my closest friends, relations, and henchmen. So sue me.
1. I have a morbid fascination with Chinese buffets.
2. I always wanted to be a Constitutional lawyer.
3. I have an irrational fear of compressed gasses of all sorts.
4. People don’t seem to believe me when I say I am both shy and lazy.
5. Animals interest me only in so far as I can cook delicious meals with them. But I would cook them with deep love and respect.
6. I think the Rolling Stones are better as an idea than as a rock band. Ditto for U2.
7. I have a bad temper, but it takes a long time to get to it.
8. I am a surprisingly good body surfer.
9. Good beer brings me joy.
10. I like American Idol and I don’t care who knows it.
11. I remember being five years old – and I miss it.
12. When I attempt to speak a foreign language, I suffer a crippling bout of insecurity, which instantly renders me unintelligible.
13. I have disproportionately short legs.
14. I cry when I read the final chapter of the House at Pooh Corner.
15. Driving to some place new is one of my quiet pleasures.
16. I always wished my hair was straight so I could wear it really long without looking like Kenny G.
17. I believe that most people in government sincerely want to serve the public interest, although they don’t always succeed.
18. I like to eat lunch alone.
19. I have an enduring and completely inexplicable fixation on Russian history.
20. I write better when I am hungry, but I only think I write better when I am drunk.
21. If money were no object, I would live on Maui.
22. I think Vegemite is delicious if eaten in moderation.
23. I maintain my own sourdough yeast colony, making me, technically, a yeast farmer.
24. My math skills are dismal, even with a calculator.
25. I have yet to decide what I want to do when I grow up.
So I am going to say 25 things about me, but I am not going to tag 25 of my closest friends, relations, and henchmen. So sue me.
1. I have a morbid fascination with Chinese buffets.
2. I always wanted to be a Constitutional lawyer.
3. I have an irrational fear of compressed gasses of all sorts.
4. People don’t seem to believe me when I say I am both shy and lazy.
5. Animals interest me only in so far as I can cook delicious meals with them. But I would cook them with deep love and respect.
6. I think the Rolling Stones are better as an idea than as a rock band. Ditto for U2.
7. I have a bad temper, but it takes a long time to get to it.
8. I am a surprisingly good body surfer.
9. Good beer brings me joy.
10. I like American Idol and I don’t care who knows it.
11. I remember being five years old – and I miss it.
12. When I attempt to speak a foreign language, I suffer a crippling bout of insecurity, which instantly renders me unintelligible.
13. I have disproportionately short legs.
14. I cry when I read the final chapter of the House at Pooh Corner.
15. Driving to some place new is one of my quiet pleasures.
16. I always wished my hair was straight so I could wear it really long without looking like Kenny G.
17. I believe that most people in government sincerely want to serve the public interest, although they don’t always succeed.
18. I like to eat lunch alone.
19. I have an enduring and completely inexplicable fixation on Russian history.
20. I write better when I am hungry, but I only think I write better when I am drunk.
21. If money were no object, I would live on Maui.
22. I think Vegemite is delicious if eaten in moderation.
23. I maintain my own sourdough yeast colony, making me, technically, a yeast farmer.
24. My math skills are dismal, even with a calculator.
25. I have yet to decide what I want to do when I grow up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
